help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
