so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So apparently I’m into choking now
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
