my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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