Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
