The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
