They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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