So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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