Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
