My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We smell like vodka and hangover
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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