White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
