you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uberlube is also flammable
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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