Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
