I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
