everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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