It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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