She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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