Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
