I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize