Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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