I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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