i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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