saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
