If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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