Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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