before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I love you. Go after that dick
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
