girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
