The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
That accounts for only three of the penises
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize