normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
