I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
do nipples grow back?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
