I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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