we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
