Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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