dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
