if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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