We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
