This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
