I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
how do you play pong handcuffed?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
