Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
