Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Come on in and take your pants off
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