oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
