He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
