John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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