somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
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I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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