pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
