Just cropdusted the office
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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