I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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