my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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