I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
