he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
be right there i have to get my cape
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
