Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
