dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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