I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
