if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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