Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
