i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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