The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I have already put on my inside pants.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
