well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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