I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
