i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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