I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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