worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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