Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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